Isn’t it odd how many people know, with absolute certainty, when a reasonable time for you to marry has come and gone and you’re now simply being obstinate, well before you know any such thing? I’ve gotten used to it from friends with their awkward attempts at subtle inquiry—”So when your books make you rich you’ll quit your job and do other things, right? You do like kids, don’t you?” (Please note what they expect I’ll be doing with all the time I save by quitting my job.) I’ve also accepted the inevitability of family inquiries with no subtlety whatsoever—”Married yet? Why not?” I’m not yet accustomed to such coming from my students, however.

May I say it’s a little peculiar feeling when a student (male) comes up and insists you (also male) must get married and have children so there are more helpful people to work in writing centers and make the world a better place. How do you respond to something like that? I don’t know how you do, but I do by moving in at least four cognitive directions at once, as follows: part of me feels flattered at the compliment; a second part is intrigued that a real, live person believes that my greatest contribution to the world is to be put out to stud; a third portion of my self envisions a bunch of little mes and nearly goes into catatonia (I really do want kids, but I kind of thought they’d be mini versions of my wife, Pulitzer-winning supermodels who find my sophomoric charm irresistible [fingers crossed], not a bunch of mirror-faced delinquents); the last quadrant of my persona is miffed that when this happens—as it was bound to—a guy asks the question, and that the universe is clearly hooting it up at my expense. These four simultaneous thoughts are quickly follow by a reassessment of the million little mes and contemplation on what I could do at the head of an army of peculiar little people.

Then I decide I do not know quite what to think, other than recognize that someone appreciates what I’ve done for them and how much I appreciate knowing so. Any thoughts beyond this seem less important—until I find a use for my new line: “A student told me I have to get married and have kids to make the world a better place, so you wanna go out?”