It’s been a while since I’ve done a substantial post, and, as my part in CONduit is over, I find I have some time on my hands.  As time has become a very valuable commodity in my life, I’ve been thinking about ways to spend this sudden surplus.  I thought about going to a movie, finding a new and unexpected book to read, even taking a nap.  I decided not to take a nap because I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to feel rested and, frankly, don’t care to recall during the next year as I work at the college, write, and promote via two-day weekly tours (which I’m responsible for scheduling myself).  I think it’s a good idea for me to pick up a new book, and I will—only that seems too constructive for my present mood.  When one never has time it creates this ravenous need to be wasteful, at least in this busy body.  So that left seeing a movie but then I remembered seeing Wolverine and that put me off the entire cinematic industry for at least another two weeks.  (For any who couldn’t tell, I hated it.  Loathed may be more appropriate, actually.  Yes, loathed.)

Then it struck me: I’ll do a blog post and generouslly allow others to waste their time reading it!  I feel quite magnanimous at the moment.

So, what is it like to hold your first published book?  I said before that I couldn’t explain it, and now that a few days have passed I don’t feel that has changed, though I’ll give it a go.  The first thing that struck me was a strange sense of appropriateness.  There’s no other way to say it.  It was like, Oh, of course.  I’ve known about the cover for months, and the text for years.  I’ve held other books in the series that possessed the same texture and so on.  So the tangible artifact that is my book struck me as, well, expected.  That isn’t really good or bad; it was just as I anticipated.

Then I thought about everything I’d done in order to hold that utterly expected book in my hand, and everything it had taken to create the expectation.  That’s when I really started to feel something.  And you know, it wasn’t pleasure or joy or celebration, or anything like unto them.  It was relief.  I’d finally reached a point, after all the years and millions of words, where I had something substantial enough that it couldn’t evaporate.  Whether GDC is good or horrible, it’s there and it’s staying, and so won’t be denied.  I finally feel that I have something to say, “You want to evaluate what I’ve done in my life?  There, read that, then you tell me.”  If nothing else, it proves that all this time and effort has resulted in something.

Now to see what impact that something has—great or small, positive or negative.  The question is a little daunting, and I’m eager to start getting answers.

*****

With my part in this year’s CONduit finished, I can say that it was enjoyable and perhaps mildly productive.  I am a touch dissatisfied with my workshop, if only because it was the first time I’ve done this one in an hour form, and I discovered it just isn’t enough time.  I really need at least an hour and a half to give attendees the one-on-one feedback the workshop is designed for.  People came up to me afterward and complimented me on the workshop, so it can’t have been awful, but I wasn’t satisfied with it.  My panels, on the other hand, went pretty well.  It’s always fun to give and take with other writers who really know their stuff, especially with those you’ve come to know and like personally.  Dave Wolverton/Farland was on both panels with me, which was cool because he’s a great writer and a better guy who I’ve gotten to know a bit over the years though we’ve never been on the same panel before.  Jessica Day George was moderator on my panel today, and she’s always a lot of fun—as long as you can keep up with her energy.  Dan Willis, a friend and fellow Dragonlance writer, was on my panel yesterday.  (That was my first time moderating, by the way.  Thought I did okay, but if anyone reading this was there, I’d like your opinion—honest and carefully worded please.)  That was the extent of my events. 

Went to a few other panels, but mostly I did my events and looked to get signed books to the people who really helped GDC come about, namely Stacy Whitman, initial editor for the book (and the brave soul who took a chance on me in the first place); Rebecca Shelley, another writer in the Codices line who first recommended me to Stacy (which took a huge leap of faith); and James Dashner, who was courageous—or foolish—enough to give a cover blurb for the book, and so proved himself a great and perpetually friendly guy, even if he is not a Jane Austin character.  Saw some other old friends, met one or two new ones, talked about Shakespearean super villains, heard Michael Collings make a good case for grammar being fun, met my first Jawa (and I mean a real Jawa, glowing gold eyes and all, which threw a few if us on my last panel; I have met plenty of stormtroopers and even Darth Vader once, but until today no Jawas) and in general enjoyed myself.  If any of you were there, tell me how you enjoyed it.  As always, I welcome comments about my contribution (just please don’t draw arterial blood; a few welts are okay). 

Oh, and yesterday I was interviewed live on Dungeon Crawlers Radio.  The hosts were a couple of Dragonlance fans, so that worked out pretty well.  Anyone interested in the interview should be able to hear it in the upcoming days, as they’ll be posting excerpts from their live coverage on their web site.  Simply check Dungeon Crawlers Radio.  I’ll also post here when I know the interview is up.